A grey-haired patriarch recently told me, “I love my kids and grandkids. But I don’t trust their ability to manage my money when I’m gone. My lawyer tells me that I need to restrict their access. What do you recommend?”
This Family Business Chaos myth assumes:
That fears motivate most human behaviors
That Elders need to restrict access to financial assets
That the Next Gen family members are unable to manage money
That advisors can recommend effective solutions
How silly.
Tragically, I’ve met “Family Business Consultants” who boast about $100,000 annual retainers to “manage the process.” They presume that family business leaders are inherently unstable, dysfunctional, heading toward chaos. With a wink they say, “And who knows when you will need me?”
How tragic and silly.
I call it the Family Business Chaos myth. In future posts I’ll share some more related myths. In this post, let’s look at each of these 4 statements in turn.
Fears do motivate most human behaviors. When we are hungry we eat. When we are threatened we fight. When we are confused or uninformed we create stories to “fill in the silence.” I recently heard about two Elders who anticipated a visit from their niece, whom they had not seen in 15 years. They created stories to explain the visit, from “she must have cancer” to “her husband may have abused her.”
In the same way, Elders often create stories to explain their kids and grandkids. It’s a delightful, ancient past time! When I visit Elders they may entertain me with stories, just as we drink lemonade on the porch. They often voice fears such as “she will never find a man who appreciates her” or “he couldn’t make money if we served it on a golden platter.” Those stories are entertaining. But they may be downright silly.
That idea that Elders need to restrict access to financial assets is ancient, and often based on some local precedent. We all repeat stories that reinforce our biased beliefs. Have you heard about our neighbor named Bubba who received a trust fund when he turned 21, then became an opioid addict? Confirmation bias occurs when we repeat desired beliefs. The fact is that most people with access to money learn to live below their means. They practice financial literacy.
Restricted access to wealth, or any resource, does not accelerate social change. In fact, restricted access can imprison people. Look at global slavery, work conditions, oppression of women or poverty. Restricted access may cause violence. Look at global divorce, broken families, suicides, loneliness, drug abuse. Instead, what if wealth advisors actually shared their knowledge in a series of educational sessions? What if digital courses encouraged Next Gen leaders to ask questions about index funds, incentive trusts, donor assisted funds, IRAs, retirement, employee matches?
The #1 web browser is Google because people search for information. The #2 web browser is YouTube, because people search for answers. And they are both owned by Alphabet. The fact is that Next Gens are digitally trusting, better educated than many Elders, and often want to develop more financial literacy. Just ask them!
The notion that Next Gen family members are unable to manage money is based on ignorance. Throughout recorded history, in every corner of the world, most assets are quietly transferred to the Next Generation. (Also called the Rising Generation, like a Rising Tide or a tsunami). If Elders are not able to teach responsible wealth management, then other advisors can do so. One positive outcome from the Certified Financial Professional (CFP) designation is that wealth advisors are better self-managed to actually serve their client interests. For many decades “financial managers” were incentivized by higher commission fees or transactional incentives from their product managers.
Throughout my career I’ve taught people how to manage their precious time, money, treasures and talents. Nothing is more important. Perhaps anyone reading or sharing this article shares that same commitment.
Teaching financial literacy assumes that Elders and Next Gens are willing to learn. When I facilitate family meetings, I encourage the Next Gens to ask questions, because curiosity is the currency of learning. When they ask questions, the wealth advisors can share resources. I also encourage the Elders to bite their tongues- which is difficult. They often want to share their values and knowledge. But our kids learn to swim from other adults, not from their parents. Our kids learn to golf from professionals, not from their parents. In the same way, when Next Gen leaders ask questions and learn, the Elders smile with delight. They are practicing financial literacy and seeing that “light in their eyes” when their children and grandchildren actually learn.
We want to believe that advisors can recommend effective solutions because we want to trust “experts.” We go to physicians when we require healthcare, and they diagnose and treat us. We go to lawyers when we require asset transaction or protection. For many years, when I asked Google “Can you provide some business consulting?” it replied “Not at this time.” Now over 40% of my clients use ChatGBT for business consulting. Immediately. I have copied responses from one platform, like Claude, to ask other platforms, like Inflection, to provide more details. And recent studies confirm that some AI platforms demonstrate more empathy than “professionals.”
Let’s assume that advisors using AI will be more effective than those not using AI. And they will become even more effective next month. And every month thereafter. The best advisors are already using AI to provide more recommendations than ever for their clients. In seconds. Converging technologies, such as healthcare and AI consulting, will increase in power and provide even more value. Accurately. Imagine an empathic robot that suggests how Elders can bite their tongues. Imagine a hologram of the founders that can explain the values and challenges faced 50 years ago. Imagine a family meeting with 5 generations of healthy, opinionated owners instead of 3 generations.
Now imagine that one “family business consultant” can serve your legacy needs. How silly.
The example of the $100,000 annual retainer from that winking “family business consultant” who says, “you never know when you may need me” could be a waste of money.
My experience is that the presumption that family business leaders are inherently unstable, dysfunctional, heading toward chaos is downright silly. It may be lucrative for those using retainers. But it ignores the reality that family business leaders can flourish.
Yes, I’ll address HOW to flourish in a series of future posts. Please share this post with anyone who might appreciate it.
And add your thoughts or comments on this post about the Family Business Chaos myth? This could become a discussion.
You know the myth: Business succession is difficult and full of conflicts.
The myth is that outrageous Hollywood movies like Succession, The Godfather, Dallas or Dynasty are the norm. The myth is that tax advisors are never able to minimize taxation, that estate attorneys are well intentioned but haphazard, that more wealth leads to more conflict.
The fact is that most wealth transitions occur quietly when there is shared understanding of decision making. That’s called governance.
Good governance is the reality for ALL of my clients- or they wouldn’t hire me.
Good governance can be taught and developed.
Let’s start with two definitions. Then I’ll share 4 steps that really work.
There are two types of conflict: Interpersonal conflict is usually bad, and Task conflict is usually good.
Interpersonal conflict is based on emotions and should be managed carefully, even if you dislike that cousin who just said something outrageous. But how do we self-manage? We are emotional animals driven by fears. Threats are everywhere. !Right?! Behavioral psychology research confirms that we think faster or slower depending on the stimulus and the situation. When I’m inclined to speak impulsively, I often massage the back of my head. Why? Because I want to slow down, think, and respond with care. We can all practice self-management. The oldest part of our brain is in the back of our skull. The prefrontal cortex, our executive center, is in the front of our brains. So, on good days, we practice self-managing to avoid interpersonal conflicts. (Or not…)
Task conflict is based on different understandings of information or roles. When one cousin wants to invest in a new digital marketing program, and another cousin wants to invest in a new building, they will have task conflict. Task conflict is usually good because it may lead to innovations. I define innovation as “new ideas applied.” One reason for agendas and information packets before board meetings or family meetings, is to share information so that the participants can make smarter, more informed decisions. There can still be emotional moments- full of drama- but the focus of the meeting is on decision-making to address the task conflicts.
One reason for a facilitator with expertise in behavioral psychology (like me) is to minimize the interpersonal conflict and maximize the task conflicts.
As a species we all want to create order out of chaos. That’s why we construct processes, and (occasionally) organize our closets. That’s why we ask experts for advice. When we require a healthcare assessment we expect nurses to collect data, so that physicians using AI can diagnose and treat our evolving needs. Right? When we require a transfer of assets we expect attorneys and wealth advisors to assess needs in a deep discovery process, then recommend next steps. Right?
I organize teams of advisors to serve families because I know what works. Holistic advising is here to stay. And my clients deserve a team of experts. They also deserve a cleanly defined process. Something useful.
Here are the 4 steps in my Family Capital Discovery Process (based on my research and decades of consulting). Think of these as 4 phases in any engagement together. Notice the verbs in bold font. Perhaps you can adopt these?
a. Assess the current and future Family Enterprise ecosystem. I call these states the Now and the Next. Each ecosystem has unique history, values, legacy, stages, visions, and risks. A Family Business may generate assets, like a golden egg or a core business. And there may be multiple businesses over time, called a Family Enterprise. Think of Cargill or Walmart. Or think of the nearby franchise owner or car dealership in your city. Perhaps you know that over 60% of our GDP and job growth is driven by Family-Owned Businesses. How do you assess those unique strengths and weaknesses? Lately I’ve been using AI tools to accelerate that assessment process.
b. Develop a Family Manifesto that describes the Family Purpose and reasons for working with multiple advisors. Most families have a verbal understanding of what the founder, Elder or owners want. When that verbal understanding is written and shared, teams can evolve. For example, in a recent series of meetings, I conducted interviews with the Elders, took detailed notes, and shared their asset map with the Next Gens. They had never seen one list of their capital and financial assets- and there were plenty of rumors! Finally, they were able to draft a manifesto that accelerated succession planning. After decades of avoidance and mystery, they were finally able to make crucial investment decisions. Four branches – over 50 people- were relieved. When verbal or unstated assumptions become written and shared, family businesses can evolve. That’s called organizational maturity. And that process is not too difficult. Perhaps you know a family that can benefit from a Family Manifesto? Perhaps you can accelerate that process?
c. Define the four Family Focus Pillars. These are 4 critical questions used by families with over $50M in investable assets, who may have a Family Office to organize their legacy. (With credit to my friend Peter Vogel and his team at IMD). My experience is that these 4 questions can be useful for any family, with any amount of wealth. Perhaps you can answer them this weekend when you sit down for your next family dinner. Who we are? What do we own? How do we function? What is our impact on society and the environments and legacy? Yes, I’ve had these discussions with our nuclear family. Yes, you can do so also!
d. Organize more effective work guidelines with a team of advisors. We all need a little structure at times. We can’t play football without yard lines and goal posts. We can’t have a swim meet without lanes and a timing system. I recommend the least amount of structure in the moment. Families need to evolve. The reason I wrote the Success Playbook for Next Gen Family Business Leaders (2024) is because clients asked me to do so. It’s a playbook of books, structures, and great resources. Perhaps you know someone who needs a little structure or a loving nudge?
Bottom line: Now you know what works. Please share this post with those who would appreciate knowing what works.
One fact is that succession usually happens quietly, without conflicts.
Another fact is that good governance can be taught and developed.
Another fact is that we can each minimize interpersonal conflicts and maximize task conflicts.
Recently I read Wealth 3.0. and the authors state that interdisciplinary knowledge is one of the key predictors of success for consultants. I agree.
After a recent client engagement, my colleague said, “I never would have asked about the topics you brought up– increasing 1:1 time with each child, and family meetings to discuss charitable giving. How did you become so damned smart about so many different topics?”
I stuttered and paused with embarrassment.
I do read daily, and study new topics on YouTube, I listen carefully to what people say, and I watch what they do. But those are skills.
The deeper questions are “How did I develop my interdisciplinary knowledge?” and “How can I encourage others to do the same?”
Here are some loosely chronological stories about how I developed interdisciplinary knowledge. Perhaps they will trigger similar stories for you. I encourage you to consider HOW you develop interdisciplinary knowledge.
As a child I was expected to research answers from the set of books on the shelf, called Encyclopedia Brittanica. Long before wikipedia and digital tools, that was the preferred way to answer questions or settle disputes. My siblings were often more correct than me! We all learned to seek answers.
Multiple Elders challenged me to think for myself. The Boy Scout volunteers used merit badge content to reinforce new skills, and values like honesty and loyalty. Faculty members, who worked with my father, spent holidays with us and quizzed me on any topic- the power of compounding assets at TIAA-CREF, or the wisdom of building a private campground as a long term investment. I learned that adults may share their wisdom, and I may not agree with them.
That saying, “Never let schooling get in the way of a good education” is attributed to Mark Twain. It could have been a family motto above our doorframe. We were expected to attend schools.
At a large public high school in Clifton Park, NY, I was expected to take honors and New York State regents classes. I elected to take AP Psychology and Sociology classes. And as a senior I left school at 1:00 each day to work at a nearby food warehouse to save money for college. I didn’t have a car, so my mother drove me there and back for a year. From her I learned to work hard and save my earnings. From those workers I learned that education could create opportunities.
When I enrolled at Hamilton College, in Clinton, NY, I learned that it was one of the Top 10 Preppiest Colleges in the country. In my ignorance, I created a survey for all the incoming freshmen and stuck it in their mailboxes to ask “how well prepared are you?” and “where did you attend high school?” I learned that a 40% response rate was strong, and that there was no significant difference between self-confidence and high school preparation.
The class size at Hamilton was about 10 students. We were expected to ask questions and respectfully challenge one another. In one mid-January class, 5 of us sat in the professor’s office while he smoked his pipe and we discussed the explosive power of humanism in the Middle Ages. When a different professor shared that she studied with the author of one of our books, I learned that authors are accessible. And that they often disagree! Academics of any age can and should challenge one another. Later I learned that there was no mandatory course of study at Hamilton. Students there are expected to be interdisciplinary.
After two years there, amid a family relocation and financial stress, I went to the University of Minnesota in Minneapolis. Some of my class sizes were now hundreds of students! I learned that any undergraduate could substitute graduate level courses, so that’s what I did. My classmates were expert administrators or teachers. They all had strong opinions. I recall doing a project on creativity with a student who was also a professional videographer. Somehow we gained access and conducted interviews inside the public schools. Interdisciplinary skills were tolerated for entrepreneurial students.
My next few years were spent in applied leadership sessions, as an instructor in wilderness Outward Bound courses, backpacking expeditions in Wyoming and Montana, canoeing in Minnesota, trekking in England… Those seasons were great opportunities to observe how people experience stress, resilience, endurance, conflict. Then I spent years teaching English at four independent day and boarding schools. One prevailing lesson is that financial wealth does not protect people from stress or challenges.
My next formal schooling lessons were at Dartmouth College, in a program called the Master of Arts in Liberal Studies. We could study anything! So I explored the influence of landscape art in New Hampshire, educational pedagogy, feminism, equality, and social psychology. My thesis was a longitudinal study on Adolescent Risk Taking Behavior, because I wondered what led some people to embrace risks, and others to avoid risks. Perhaps I’m still collecting data on that topic!
My last example of formal schooling is called a terminal degree for good reason. After years of managing executive coaches, leading a nonprofit, and some time working in colleges, I knew I wanted to focus on applied psychology. And I needed to continue generating revenue through my consulting! The Chicago School of Professional Psychology was a good fit for online content, with two onsite events to validate our identity and assess our knowledge. I loved the structure of weekly reading, writing, commenting. In the three decades since I had studied psychology, there was a sea change in research away from what is wrong with people (anxiety, depression, violence) and toward what enables people to flourish (meaning, engagement, relationships, achievements). My dissertation focused on Positive Psychology Coaching protocols that accelerate leader development. Yes, I’m still collecting data on that topic too!
That’s my listed attempt to answer the first question: “How did I develop my interdisciplinary knowledge?” In short, by observing and reinforcing the strengths of others.
The second question was “How can I encourage others to do the same?”
I think each of us can say and do a better job of practicing interdisciplinary knowledge.
I encourage you to make your list of influences- formal schooling or informal lessons.
I encourage you to share that list with your loved ones. They need to know what you think and value.
I encourage you to share some of your examples in the comments below. Action leads to learning.
I suspect that when we are vulnerable about our interdisciplinary knowledge, then we are better practitioners.
What do you think?
This can become a discussion if you share any thoughts or comments below.
Here is Annual Self-Assessment Form. Copy this. Print this. Post your notes with YOUR coach or accountability partner.
Date: _________
Step 1:
List the top 5 people who are most important in my life today.
Instructions:
For each statement below, imagine how those who know you well would score you. Use a scale of 1 (low) to 10 (high). After scoring yourself, add comments for additional insights or actions to improve.
Hope: “I have the “will and the way” to achieve my goals. Score: ____
Efficacy: “I feel confident in my ability to take on challenges and achieve desired outcomes.” Score: ____ Comments: ________________________________________________________
Resilience: “I can bounce back from setbacks and adapt to changes.” Score: ____ Comments: ________________________________________________________
Optimism: “I focus on the positive aspects of situations and believe in the best possible outcomes.” Score: ____ Comments: ________________________________________________________
Humility: “I value the contributions of others and admit my mistakes.”
Curiosity: “I actively seek new knowledge, ask questions, and explore diverse perspectives.” Score: ____ Comments: ________________________________________________________
Collaboration: “I work effectively with others, fostering trust, and contributing to collective goals.” Score: ____ Comments: ________________________________________________________
Accountability: “I take responsibility for my actions and follow through on commitments.” Score: ____ Comments: ________________________________________________________
Empathy: “I show understanding and compassion toward others’ experiences and emotions.” Score: ____ Comments: ________________________________________________________
Vision: “I communicate a clear and compelling vision that inspires others to act.” Score: ____ Comments: ________________________________________________________
Reflection Questions:
What do these scores and comments suggest about your current leadership strengths?
Which area(s) do you most want to improve over the next year?
How can you leverage your relationships with the five most important people in your life to support your personal and professional growth?
12 months from now, what are 1-2 important aspects of your life that you would regret losing? (These are the 1-2 aspects to focus on ahead).
Naturally, this self-assessment can be repeated at any time to track your growth and identify areas for continued development.
If you have advice on how to improve this self assessment, please comment or reply directly.
Yesterday a client said, “We’re too small. We can’t afford consulting. We make less than $1M in annual revenue. We build decks and patios. This business pays the bills. I guess it’s my retirement plan…”
Sound familiar?
Yikes. It sounds short-sighted and dangerous to me!
People provide solutions… and customers buy solutions. That’s the bottom line.
This business leader does not ONLY build decks and patios… Not really. That would be short-sighted. He creates “outdoor living experiences for loved ones.” Something remarkable.
How much would you invest in a backyard party for your child’s birthday? Or your family reunion? Or your weekend football game party? Or that special bottle of wine or bourbon?
If you invested $30,000 into an outdoor living redesign, wouldn’t you expect decades of priceless experiences with your loved ones? That solution is priceless.
Case Study: Joe
A second business leader said, “I don’t think I have anything valuable, so when I retire, I’ll just let it shut down.”
I asked, “What’s your annual revenue and earnings?”
He said, “Our revenue is about $1m/ year and I make about $250,000 year. Everything else goes back into capital expenses and employee compensation. We’ve had a good life. I’ve raised my family.”
I asked, “What if you assumed 4x earnings, and someone offered you $1,000,000 to buy your business next week? Would you retire?”
FACT: Most business leaders don’t know their value and succession options.
Market Analysis Figure 1:
Check out these details… do they look familiar to you?
Segment
Annual Revenue
Avg. No. of Employees
Avg. No. of Owners
FTEs
Strengths
Weaknesses
Key Problems
Small Family-Owned
Less than $1M
10-50
2-3
5-25
Strong community ties, family unity
Limited resources, dependency on few customers
Lack of growth strategy, succession planning
In every corner of the world, in every business sector, small businesses define the success of every economy. They are the social fabric of communities. They define success. They create over 65% of jobs and GDP in the US, and a higher percentage in Asia.
Most of the time, business leaders quietly pass on their business to family members or capable leaders. Sometimes there is conflict because of bad communication. Those succession planning discussions require expert advising from consultants.
“Do-It-Yourself” consulting or “Consulting From a Book” always leads to failure. Don’t waste your time or money.
I hire experts to build outdoor living experiences. Or to do any plumbing, electrical, legal, and financial work. Don’t you hire similar experts?
Market Analysis Figure 2:
How much would you expect to invest in a consulting solution?
Consulting Needs
Consulting Fee Range (Phase 1)
Consulting Fee Range (Phase 2+)
Representative Business Types
% of U.S. Economy, approx. #
Familiar Family-Owned Businesses
Business planning, succession and leadership coaching
$5,000 – $15,000
$10,000 – $25,000 annually
Local restaurants, niche retail, craft breweries
~10%, 3.1M
Zabar’s (NYC), King’s Hawaiian, Goorin Bros.
There’s no need for confusion about pricing. That approach only leads to distrust.
• Consulting Needs are problems that require external solutions, such as conflict resolution, strategic planning, or leadership coaching.
• Consulting Fee Range (Phase 1: Initial Discovery/Assessment) includes the initial consulting phase, such as discovery, assessments, and strategic recommendations.
• Consulting Fee Range (Phase 2+: Annual Consulting Phases) covers ongoing consulting needs in subsequent phases, including implementation of solutions, leadership coaching, and strategic execution over a year or more.
Back to the first example of the business leader named Joe, who doesn’t know the actual value of his business. Joe has three options:
No investment in consulting. When Joe retires the business dies.
Small investment in consulting, $15,000- 40,000 over 12 months. When Joe retires the succession plan may enable the business to continue.
Larger investment in consulting, $75,000 – 200,000 over 5 years. When Joe retires the succession plan may provide over $1,000,000 in real value to the owners or their benefactors. The community retains jobs. The business legacy may continue for generations.
Sound familiar?
The solution for most family-owned business leaders is NOT venture capital or private equity investors. They will extract value and disappear within 3-5 years. That would be short-sighted and dangerous.
The solution is to invest in consulting solutions, such as “family capital for loved ones.”
Succession Advisory Teams
The only way to win a football game is expertise on the offensive team, the defensive team, and the special teams. Each team measures success differently to “put points on the board” or “hold them to three downs” or “run it back.”
In the same way, a Succession Advisory Team brings multi-disciplinary experts together to achieve a win.
Lawyers provide risk mitigation and contractual agreements. Accountants provide business valuation and options. Wealth advisors provide investment options. Business psychologists (like me) facilitate the process.
There are many opinions about the top strengths of family business leaders.
One of my recent projects answers that question.
We (Kent Rhodes, Ed.D) and I recently developed and validated a 360 assessment process for next generation family business leaders. See www.AssessNextGen.com for details. We determined the top 50 items.
Our recent research found that the number 1, top strength, or Career Catalyst for family business leaders is Item 13: “Keeps confidences about family business wealth.”
Hmmm. On a scales of 1-10 how well does your family business keep confidences about family wealth? Here are some quick thoughts about how to apply this finding to your family enterprise or family business consulting.
For more details contact Doug Gray, Ph.D. at Gray@theFBCG.com or Kent Rhodes (Ed.D.) at Rhodes@theFBCG.com
Here is the transcript for your reference and sharing:
Title: What is the most important strength for Family Business leaders?
Description on YouTube post: A quick research update from www.AssessNextGen.com. We can now answer that ancient question, “What is the most important strength of Family Business leaders?” Here are some tips for your family enterprise or consulting.
Transcript of video:
Sometimes people wonder, “what are the top competencies that family business leaders need?” And I’m happy to report some early results from the Assess Next Gen Family Business Leadership 360 assessment. This data is from 163 responses in the last few months. Here is the top score, in other words, the Career Catalyst, the behavior that is number one. I’ll give it to you and then I’m going to ask you to reflect on it.
The top score, the thing that our raters said others ought to do, is item number 13: “Keep confidences about the family business wealth.” To repeat, the most important strength of Family Business leaders is to “keep confidences about family business wealth.” What does that mean for you and your family or your enterprise?
I recently asked that question of a friend of mine, John Broons, who’s in Australia, who is pretty brilliant. And he said, “family wealth needs to be part of the conversation. It’s too often not discussed.”
I agree. We need to prepare for risks, like a transition or a succession or continuity or another line of business. And too often family members don’t have any idea of what’s next. There’s the core business. Perhaps there might be other lines of business, but family wealth conversations should definitely stay within the family.
Many of my clients have a charter or clause which states, “This is what we will say, and to whom.” They may have a conversation with the wealth advisor and estate attorney, and they may not have that conversation with somebody like me, a business consultant. The family members are the only ones who have access to that information. This is to protect them from journalists or politicians or inappropriate people seeking to learn something about that wealth. And often this confidentiality clause is written in an agreement. So we’re really talking about the two first words here…
Keep confidences. The most important strength of Family Business leaders is to keep confidences.
How do we keep confidences? I think we need to reinforce some useful guidelines. My clients require trust guidelines. Let me give you a quick example. One of my clients has eight G4 children on this side and four children on this other side. Potential conflicts, right? So they made an agreement in writing, and verbally reinforced it in every one of their meetings, about what could be shared with Doug as the family business consultant working with that G4 generation. My focus is on leadership development. Part of my job is to reinforce for them what’s confidential and what they need to keep confidential.
It’s a bit like driving a car when you’re driving down an unfamiliar road. You’ve got the white lines on the right side, the yellow lines on the left side. Like a good driver, we need to keep confidences. We don’t want to go to the edge of those lines. We don’t want to go off the center of the road. We certainly don’t want to go in the dirt or the gravel on the side.
So, my invitation is to keep confidences about family business wealth. Keep that conversation sacred. There you go. Tip of the moment.
For more details on the Assess Next Gen Leadership 360 process, see www.AssessNextGen.com
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