How can I lead my self?

Many people ask me this question.  So you are not alone.  In fact, self-leadership is an ancient subject turned into a multi-billion dollar industry.  It is MUCH harder to lead my self than it is to lead others.  And it requires daily deliberate practice for me to lead my self.


My purpose in life is to teach others how to be better leaders.  I know what works.  Hopefully the following two steps will be useful to you.


There are two ways to lead your self:

1.  self awareness

2.  self care


Self awareness requires core skills such as openness, self appraisal, clarity, self esteem.  There is a massive amount of research in psychology and organizational development on the subject of self awareness.  There are countless religions and faiths and daily practices on the subject of self awareness.  Amid these conflicting and spurious theories there is a need for clarity.  We use assessments to provide data.  There are over 15,000 validated assessments.  We can provide assessments for any individual behavior or competency imaginable.  Evidence-based consulting is mandatory in any profession, from law to healthcare to psychology.


A key coaching question is “What assessments do I need to increase my self awareness?’

Self care requires core skills such as expression, sustainability, resourcefulness, action.  Consider the fact that humans now have more digital information available than EVER in the history of mankind.  We now KNOW what we should do.  However, we do not always DO what we should do.  Imagine a grandmotherly person.  She towers over you with an apron and shakes a wooden spoon… as she tells you what you should do.  That image of a wise, older person may help you.

A key coaching question is “How can I take care of myself today?”


One more point.  There is a myth that leadership is a personal act.  By definition, the word “leadership” means influence at two levels:  on my self and others.  The goal of self leadership is not to attain some mystical state in isolation on a mountain.  Humans are defined by relationships.  No one develops as a leader when living in isolation.  And too many people spend hours alone, writing in journals, or focusing on their weaknesses.  When Maslow described self actualization it was not thought to be a resting place.  The goal is to improve the quality of relationships with others.  Leadership is both a personal act and a team act.  We adopt evidence-based research in positive psychology because it works.  We want YOU to flourish.


The goal of self leadership is to have a greater relationships with my self and others.


We all need a coach at times.  Call me at 704.995.6647 or subscribe now or schedule your initial consultation here.


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How to Create Happiness: Step 3 of 5

Happiness is elastic.

Like a giant rubber band.

We experience happiness at different times, and some people are more happy than others. We know the reward mechanisms of the brain are reinforced when we do certain activities. And when we reinforce those behaviors, we can be happier.  Some activities, such as mindfulness, are now being taught in MBA programs… so that people become more happy.

Here is step 3 of 5:

3.  Take Notice.  

Our awareness defines our reality.  That fact may seem obvious, but the results are nothing short of spectacular.

Consider your current level of awareness in these ways:

  • your internal physical state
  • your emotional state
  • the external weather
  • the political climate in your home town
  • who you listen to (new sources, influential people…)
We know that cognitive behavioral theory is defined by reinforcement.  For instance, if you listen to political or social or economic views from only one source, that will reinforce your perspective.  We take notice.  In fact, we have a “confirming bias” which inclines us to believe what we already know or believe.
And those beliefs are reinforced at a neuronal level in our brains.
Until we notice something else.
Like a seasonal change, an Arab Spring, a joyful neighbor…
Happiness occurs when we take notice of the joys and pleasures around us.  We label them. We affirm others.  We celebrate.
So, how do you take notice?  Who do you need to call or take notice of today?  What would happen if you took notice of that person right now?