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Daddy, What are the 2 keys to success?

by | Dec 9, 2011 | change, exercise, family, Leadership, Managers, Meetings, money, Personal Development, strengths, Success

Recently our high school-aged daughter asked, “Daddy, you talk to people all day long about their success.  If you can make it simple, what are the two keys to success?”

If she was quizzing me, then I failed.   Perhaps because I did not expect the question, perhaps because I wanted to say something special to her.

I said something trite:  Focus on your strengths.  Persist.  Follow your passions.  Build a great team.  But sadly, like most of us, perhaps, I just  could not find the words.  Frankly, I struck out.

Then yesterday someone made it simple.  Now I can answer her…

What are the 2 keys to success?

1.  Attention, and 2.  Support.

Just as we attend to an infant and support their growth, we create gardens of success.  Every successful person talks about those who gave them attention.  Their mentors.  Their elders.  Their coaches.  Those who listened well, believed in them, supported them.    After repeated actions toward a desirable goal, those people thrived and eventually felt successful.

This morning I shared this idea with someone.  She doodled a circle, then drew an exclamation point, bold, in the center of the circle, to represent “attention,” then she gave it legs to represent “support,” then gave it an arrow to represent a future success.  That image works!

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The same pattern occurs in a coaching engagement.  When I first meet someone they may be uncertain of the process, unclear about why they are receiving the attention.    A common fear is that coaching is a process of “fixing behavioral gaps or deficiencies.”  As if we could dunk people into a “flea and tick bath” and they emerge cleaned, ready for the next challenge.  Instead, people decide if they like the attention, if they can use the support, and if they want to develop their strengths.    That choice is the key to success.

So, key coaching questions may include, “Who do you need to give more attention to?”   Or, “How can you support someone’s strengths?”

Time to go… I now have an answer for my daughter.

What are you going to do?

 

Who/ What do you listen to?

by | Nov 10, 2011 | book review, change, Coaching, faith, Leadership, Managers, Meetings, money, Personal Development, Resources, strengths, Success

One of my coaching clients recently shared some CDs based on this question.  He provoked me.  And I loved it.

Take this quiz:

1.  I watch the evening news (despite its focus on violence and deprivation)

2.  I listen to negative feedback from customers more than positive feedback

3.  I regularly focus on the positive qualities of my life, and state them as choices

4.  I agree that over 70% of people are motivated by fear

Now pause.  And notice what you are feeling or thinking…

Who/What do you listen to?

If you listen to negative messages you will see the negatives.

If you are reading this blog, then you probably want to see positive results.

Here are three favorite resources: Martin Seligman’s research into Learned Optimism assures us that those who learn to be optimistic can have tremendous health and professional benefits.  And Marcus Buckingham’s research at the Gallup foundation in Significant Strengths found that individual and team success is a result of intentional focus on your strengths.

In 2008 I attended a 3-day coach certification program lead by iPEC in Chicago.  The gist of the content was to introduce the relationship between anabolic energy (positive, constructive, healing and growth-oriented) and catabolic energy (draining, destructive, potentially toxic.)

We have choices: to live anabolically or catabolically.

And we all know that who we listen to effects how we think/act.  Examples abound, from talk radio to war-based propaganda to marketing.

A better question may be:  Who/What do you CHOOSE to listen to?

Some people wake up and intentionally:

  • spend 30+ minutes in yoga, or regular exercise
  • spend 10+ minutes in prayer, or reading uplifting material such as “Success” magazine
  • spend 20+ minutes writing expressions of gratitude in a journal, or love letters to family, or  paint a gift

Throughout the day some people intentionally:

  • begin every conversation by asking, “Is this a good time for us to talk?”
  • end every conversation with a specific, genuine compliment
  • maintain a list of the 5+ daily calls to friends or positive people that they make
  • create a better future by focusing on HOW to make someone feel better, be more productive, own a success, etc

So, who/what are you CHOOSING to listen to?

Chance Meetings

by | Jun 7, 2010 | Business, Coaching, Meetings

What are the odds that:

  1. The prospect you just called and left a message for at his work number is there at the airport when you are?
  2. That you each look up and see each other?
  3. That you are flying at about the same time from the same terminal and have enough time for a beer and dinner?
  4. That you chat for over an hour about careers, consulting, family, business opportunities together?  In a breathless, gushing exchange of optimism.
  5. That his direct report replied earlier in the day saying “we are not moving forward because we have selected another consultant” and he says “the meetings this afternoon did not go well and we are not sure how to proceed”?  Those doors remain open…
  6. That he misses his flight and you have to say, “I am so sad…”

Some Hollywood script?  No, a true snapshot of last week’s chance meeting with a good friend and a great prospect.  Life beckons, and we either dance or not.  We had a great dinner.  He missed his flight.  There are always consequences.  He was able to spend another night at home with his young family, and still make his meetings the next day in Dallas.  And they upgraded his ticket to first class.

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