A grey-haired patriarch recently told me, “I love my kids and grandkids. But I don’t trust their ability to manage my money when I’m gone. My lawyer tells me that I need to restrict their access. What do you recommend?”
This Family Business Chaos myth assumes:
That fears motivate most human behaviors
That Elders need to restrict access to financial assets
That the Next Gen family members are unable to manage money
That advisors can recommend effective solutions
How silly.
Tragically, I’ve met “Family Business Consultants” who boast about $100,000 annual retainers to “manage the process.” They presume that family business leaders are inherently unstable, dysfunctional, heading toward chaos. With a wink they say, “And who knows when you will need me?”
How tragic and silly.
I call it the Family Business Chaos myth. In future posts I’ll share some more related myths. In this post, let’s look at each of these 4 statements in turn.
Fears do motivate most human behaviors. When we are hungry we eat. When we are threatened we fight. When we are confused or uninformed we create stories to “fill in the silence.” I recently heard about two Elders who anticipated a visit from their niece, whom they had not seen in 15 years. They created stories to explain the visit, from “she must have cancer” to “her husband may have abused her.”
In the same way, Elders often create stories to explain their kids and grandkids. It’s a delightful, ancient past time! When I visit Elders they may entertain me with stories, just as we drink lemonade on the porch. They often voice fears such as “she will never find a man who appreciates her” or “he couldn’t make money if we served it on a golden platter.” Those stories are entertaining. But they may be downright silly.
That idea that Elders need to restrict access to financial assets is ancient, and often based on some local precedent. We all repeat stories that reinforce our biased beliefs. Have you heard about our neighbor named Bubba who received a trust fund when he turned 21, then became an opioid addict? Confirmation bias occurs when we repeat desired beliefs. The fact is that most people with access to money learn to live below their means. They practice financial literacy.
Restricted access to wealth, or any resource, does not accelerate social change. In fact, restricted access can imprison people. Look at global slavery, work conditions, oppression of women or poverty. Restricted access may cause violence. Look at global divorce, broken families, suicides, loneliness, drug abuse. Instead, what if wealth advisors actually shared their knowledge in a series of educational sessions? What if digital courses encouraged Next Gen leaders to ask questions about index funds, incentive trusts, donor assisted funds, IRAs, retirement, employee matches?
The #1 web browser is Google because people search for information. The #2 web browser is YouTube, because people search for answers. And they are both owned by Alphabet. The fact is that Next Gens are digitally trusting, better educated than many Elders, and often want to develop more financial literacy. Just ask them!
The notion that Next Gen family members are unable to manage money is based on ignorance. Throughout recorded history, in every corner of the world, most assets are quietly transferred to the Next Generation. (Also called the Rising Generation, like a Rising Tide or a tsunami). If Elders are not able to teach responsible wealth management, then other advisors can do so. One positive outcome from the Certified Financial Professional (CFP) designation is that wealth advisors are better self-managed to actually serve their client interests. For many decades “financial managers” were incentivized by higher commission fees or transactional incentives from their product managers.
Throughout my career I’ve taught people how to manage their precious time, money, treasures and talents. Nothing is more important. Perhaps anyone reading or sharing this article shares that same commitment.
Teaching financial literacy assumes that Elders and Next Gens are willing to learn. When I facilitate family meetings, I encourage the Next Gens to ask questions, because curiosity is the currency of learning. When they ask questions, the wealth advisors can share resources. I also encourage the Elders to bite their tongues- which is difficult. They often want to share their values and knowledge. But our kids learn to swim from other adults, not from their parents. Our kids learn to golf from professionals, not from their parents. In the same way, when Next Gen leaders ask questions and learn, the Elders smile with delight. They are practicing financial literacy and seeing that “light in their eyes” when their children and grandchildren actually learn.
We want to believe that advisors can recommend effective solutions because we want to trust “experts.” We go to physicians when we require healthcare, and they diagnose and treat us. We go to lawyers when we require asset transaction or protection. For many years, when I asked Google “Can you provide some business consulting?” it replied “Not at this time.” Now over 40% of my clients use ChatGBT for business consulting. Immediately. I have copied responses from one platform, like Claude, to ask other platforms, like Inflection, to provide more details. And recent studies confirm that some AI platforms demonstrate more empathy than “professionals.”
Let’s assume that advisors using AI will be more effective than those not using AI. And they will become even more effective next month. And every month thereafter. The best advisors are already using AI to provide more recommendations than ever for their clients. In seconds. Converging technologies, such as healthcare and AI consulting, will increase in power and provide even more value. Accurately. Imagine an empathic robot that suggests how Elders can bite their tongues. Imagine a hologram of the founders that can explain the values and challenges faced 50 years ago. Imagine a family meeting with 5 generations of healthy, opinionated owners instead of 3 generations.
Now imagine that one “family business consultant” can serve your legacy needs. How silly.
The example of the $100,000 annual retainer from that winking “family business consultant” who says, “you never know when you may need me” could be a waste of money.
My experience is that the presumption that family business leaders are inherently unstable, dysfunctional, heading toward chaos is downright silly. It may be lucrative for those using retainers. But it ignores the reality that family business leaders can flourish.
Yes, I’ll address HOW to flourish in a series of future posts. Please share this post with anyone who might appreciate it.
And add your thoughts or comments on this post about the Family Business Chaos myth? This could become a discussion.
You know the myth: Business succession is difficult and full of conflicts.
The myth is that outrageous Hollywood movies like Succession, The Godfather, Dallas or Dynasty are the norm. The myth is that tax advisors are never able to minimize taxation, that estate attorneys are well intentioned but haphazard, that more wealth leads to more conflict.
The fact is that most wealth transitions occur quietly when there is shared understanding of decision making. That’s called governance.
Good governance is the reality for ALL of my clients- or they wouldn’t hire me.
Good governance can be taught and developed.
Let’s start with two definitions. Then I’ll share 4 steps that really work.
There are two types of conflict: Interpersonal conflict is usually bad, and Task conflict is usually good.
Interpersonal conflict is based on emotions and should be managed carefully, even if you dislike that cousin who just said something outrageous. But how do we self-manage? We are emotional animals driven by fears. Threats are everywhere. !Right?! Behavioral psychology research confirms that we think faster or slower depending on the stimulus and the situation. When I’m inclined to speak impulsively, I often massage the back of my head. Why? Because I want to slow down, think, and respond with care. We can all practice self-management. The oldest part of our brain is in the back of our skull. The prefrontal cortex, our executive center, is in the front of our brains. So, on good days, we practice self-managing to avoid interpersonal conflicts. (Or not…)
Task conflict is based on different understandings of information or roles. When one cousin wants to invest in a new digital marketing program, and another cousin wants to invest in a new building, they will have task conflict. Task conflict is usually good because it may lead to innovations. I define innovation as “new ideas applied.” One reason for agendas and information packets before board meetings or family meetings, is to share information so that the participants can make smarter, more informed decisions. There can still be emotional moments- full of drama- but the focus of the meeting is on decision-making to address the task conflicts.
One reason for a facilitator with expertise in behavioral psychology (like me) is to minimize the interpersonal conflict and maximize the task conflicts.
As a species we all want to create order out of chaos. That’s why we construct processes, and (occasionally) organize our closets. That’s why we ask experts for advice. When we require a healthcare assessment we expect nurses to collect data, so that physicians using AI can diagnose and treat our evolving needs. Right? When we require a transfer of assets we expect attorneys and wealth advisors to assess needs in a deep discovery process, then recommend next steps. Right?
I organize teams of advisors to serve families because I know what works. Holistic advising is here to stay. And my clients deserve a team of experts. They also deserve a cleanly defined process. Something useful.
Here are the 4 steps in my Family Capital Discovery Process (based on my research and decades of consulting). Think of these as 4 phases in any engagement together. Notice the verbs in bold font. Perhaps you can adopt these?
a. Assess the current and future Family Enterprise ecosystem. I call these states the Now and the Next. Each ecosystem has unique history, values, legacy, stages, visions, and risks. A Family Business may generate assets, like a golden egg or a core business. And there may be multiple businesses over time, called a Family Enterprise. Think of Cargill or Walmart. Or think of the nearby franchise owner or car dealership in your city. Perhaps you know that over 60% of our GDP and job growth is driven by Family-Owned Businesses. How do you assess those unique strengths and weaknesses? Lately I’ve been using AI tools to accelerate that assessment process.
b. Develop a Family Manifesto that describes the Family Purpose and reasons for working with multiple advisors. Most families have a verbal understanding of what the founder, Elder or owners want. When that verbal understanding is written and shared, teams can evolve. For example, in a recent series of meetings, I conducted interviews with the Elders, took detailed notes, and shared their asset map with the Next Gens. They had never seen one list of their capital and financial assets- and there were plenty of rumors! Finally, they were able to draft a manifesto that accelerated succession planning. After decades of avoidance and mystery, they were finally able to make crucial investment decisions. Four branches – over 50 people- were relieved. When verbal or unstated assumptions become written and shared, family businesses can evolve. That’s called organizational maturity. And that process is not too difficult. Perhaps you know a family that can benefit from a Family Manifesto? Perhaps you can accelerate that process?
c. Define the four Family Focus Pillars. These are 4 critical questions used by families with over $50M in investable assets, who may have a Family Office to organize their legacy. (With credit to my friend Peter Vogel and his team at IMD). My experience is that these 4 questions can be useful for any family, with any amount of wealth. Perhaps you can answer them this weekend when you sit down for your next family dinner. Who we are? What do we own? How do we function? What is our impact on society and the environments and legacy? Yes, I’ve had these discussions with our nuclear family. Yes, you can do so also!
d. Organize more effective work guidelines with a team of advisors. We all need a little structure at times. We can’t play football without yard lines and goal posts. We can’t have a swim meet without lanes and a timing system. I recommend the least amount of structure in the moment. Families need to evolve. The reason I wrote the Success Playbook for Next Gen Family Business Leaders (2024) is because clients asked me to do so. It’s a playbook of books, structures, and great resources. Perhaps you know someone who needs a little structure or a loving nudge?
Bottom line: Now you know what works. Please share this post with those who would appreciate knowing what works.
One fact is that succession usually happens quietly, without conflicts.
Another fact is that good governance can be taught and developed.
Another fact is that we can each minimize interpersonal conflicts and maximize task conflicts.
Recently I read Wealth 3.0. and the authors state that interdisciplinary knowledge is one of the key predictors of success for consultants. I agree.
After a recent client engagement, my colleague said, “I never would have asked about the topics you brought up– increasing 1:1 time with each child, and family meetings to discuss charitable giving. How did you become so damned smart about so many different topics?”
I stuttered and paused with embarrassment.
I do read daily, and study new topics on YouTube, I listen carefully to what people say, and I watch what they do. But those are skills.
The deeper questions are “How did I develop my interdisciplinary knowledge?” and “How can I encourage others to do the same?”
Here are some loosely chronological stories about how I developed interdisciplinary knowledge. Perhaps they will trigger similar stories for you. I encourage you to consider HOW you develop interdisciplinary knowledge.
As a child I was expected to research answers from the set of books on the shelf, called Encyclopedia Brittanica. Long before wikipedia and digital tools, that was the preferred way to answer questions or settle disputes. My siblings were often more correct than me! We all learned to seek answers.
Multiple Elders challenged me to think for myself. The Boy Scout volunteers used merit badge content to reinforce new skills, and values like honesty and loyalty. Faculty members, who worked with my father, spent holidays with us and quizzed me on any topic- the power of compounding assets at TIAA-CREF, or the wisdom of building a private campground as a long term investment. I learned that adults may share their wisdom, and I may not agree with them.
That saying, “Never let schooling get in the way of a good education” is attributed to Mark Twain. It could have been a family motto above our doorframe. We were expected to attend schools.
At a large public high school in Clifton Park, NY, I was expected to take honors and New York State regents classes. I elected to take AP Psychology and Sociology classes. And as a senior I left school at 1:00 each day to work at a nearby food warehouse to save money for college. I didn’t have a car, so my mother drove me there and back for a year. From her I learned to work hard and save my earnings. From those workers I learned that education could create opportunities.
When I enrolled at Hamilton College, in Clinton, NY, I learned that it was one of the Top 10 Preppiest Colleges in the country. In my ignorance, I created a survey for all the incoming freshmen and stuck it in their mailboxes to ask “how well prepared are you?” and “where did you attend high school?” I learned that a 40% response rate was strong, and that there was no significant difference between self-confidence and high school preparation.
The class size at Hamilton was about 10 students. We were expected to ask questions and respectfully challenge one another. In one mid-January class, 5 of us sat in the professor’s office while he smoked his pipe and we discussed the explosive power of humanism in the Middle Ages. When a different professor shared that she studied with the author of one of our books, I learned that authors are accessible. And that they often disagree! Academics of any age can and should challenge one another. Later I learned that there was no mandatory course of study at Hamilton. Students there are expected to be interdisciplinary.
After two years there, amid a family relocation and financial stress, I went to the University of Minnesota in Minneapolis. Some of my class sizes were now hundreds of students! I learned that any undergraduate could substitute graduate level courses, so that’s what I did. My classmates were expert administrators or teachers. They all had strong opinions. I recall doing a project on creativity with a student who was also a professional videographer. Somehow we gained access and conducted interviews inside the public schools. Interdisciplinary skills were tolerated for entrepreneurial students.
My next few years were spent in applied leadership sessions, as an instructor in wilderness Outward Bound courses, backpacking expeditions in Wyoming and Montana, canoeing in Minnesota, trekking in England… Those seasons were great opportunities to observe how people experience stress, resilience, endurance, conflict. Then I spent years teaching English at four independent day and boarding schools. One prevailing lesson is that financial wealth does not protect people from stress or challenges.
My next formal schooling lessons were at Dartmouth College, in a program called the Master of Arts in Liberal Studies. We could study anything! So I explored the influence of landscape art in New Hampshire, educational pedagogy, feminism, equality, and social psychology. My thesis was a longitudinal study on Adolescent Risk Taking Behavior, because I wondered what led some people to embrace risks, and others to avoid risks. Perhaps I’m still collecting data on that topic!
My last example of formal schooling is called a terminal degree for good reason. After years of managing executive coaches, leading a nonprofit, and some time working in colleges, I knew I wanted to focus on applied psychology. And I needed to continue generating revenue through my consulting! The Chicago School of Professional Psychology was a good fit for online content, with two onsite events to validate our identity and assess our knowledge. I loved the structure of weekly reading, writing, commenting. In the three decades since I had studied psychology, there was a sea change in research away from what is wrong with people (anxiety, depression, violence) and toward what enables people to flourish (meaning, engagement, relationships, achievements). My dissertation focused on Positive Psychology Coaching protocols that accelerate leader development. Yes, I’m still collecting data on that topic too!
That’s my listed attempt to answer the first question: “How did I develop my interdisciplinary knowledge?” In short, by observing and reinforcing the strengths of others.
The second question was “How can I encourage others to do the same?”
I think each of us can say and do a better job of practicing interdisciplinary knowledge.
I encourage you to make your list of influences- formal schooling or informal lessons.
I encourage you to share that list with your loved ones. They need to know what you think and value.
I encourage you to share some of your examples in the comments below. Action leads to learning.
I suspect that when we are vulnerable about our interdisciplinary knowledge, then we are better practitioners.
What do you think?
This can become a discussion if you share any thoughts or comments below.
IF you had to work with her, now imagine that you had a cheatsheet like the following one… for key behaviors, her preferred communication style, and what NOT to say to her.
Behavior
•Creativity, spontaneity, and unconventional thinking
• Individuality and freedom of expression
•Unpredictable behavior
•Impulsive decision
Preferred Communication Style from Others
•Open-minded, receptive to new ideas
•Willing to engage in brainstorming sessions or unconventional approaches
•Exploration and experimentation
What Not to Say or Do
•Rigid structures or limitations
•Dismissing her creativity
•Not being sensitive
In my consulting engagements, I never get a cheat sheet like the one above. Who does?
One of the reasons I developed these cheatsheet notes (with my friend Richa Singh) is because we were presenting a workshop called “Consulting With Next Gen Leaders” at the Purposeful Planning Institute in Denver, CO, on July 30, 2024.
Another reason for this post is because we developed 10 avatars… and can share them with our clients.
He stood there for so long that a gigantic security guard said, “You can’t just stand here.”
No response.
Then the guard said, ” If you don’t move along then I’ll have to fine you $100.”
Still no response.
Then the guard said, “What are you doing here? Where are you going?”
The positive psychologist smiled and said, “How about if I pay you the $100 and come back next week? I want you to ask me those two questions week after week.”
And so began the history of professional coaching…
Yes, you can define a meaningful outcome for yourself!
Based on my research, here are the top outcomes for business coaching. Pick one or two.
Top business coaching outcomes:
o Banking and financing
o Board of directors/advisors
o Branding
o Change management
o Communication skills
o Compensation and benefits
o Computer security
o Conflict resolution
o Customer service
o Ethics
o Insurance / risk management
o Leadership assessments
o Managing growth
o Managing others
o Marketing
o Net profit
o Operations
o Personal finances
o Personal health and well-being
o Presentation skills
o Safety/ workers compensation
o Sales
o Talent development
o Time/energy management
Now what?
Find someone who can ask you those two questions: “What are you doing here? Where are you going?”
The Future of Family Offices: Why Multidisciplinary Teams Are Essential
The goal of every family office is the same- to serve the financial and capital needs of current and future generations. However, the process is changing.
We will always require attorneys and wealth advisors to “stay in their swim lanes” and practice compliance. That will never change. Those silos are necessary, but NOT sufficient. Today, cross functional teams of interdisciplinary advisors are collaborating and providing external expertise.
Recently I was asked to create video recordings for a multi-family office (MFO) with over $1B in assets under management. They wanted me to share succession planning advice with their 80+ clients. Last week I talked with my new friend, Charmaine Tang, CEO of Orca Americas, about the need for people and technology to model innovation for family offices. Also last week I invited Brannon Fisher, a MFO partner, to share advice with our Next Gen Peer Group leaders when we met in Denver. Minutes ago I spoke with Bradley Franc, CEO of Succession Strategies, who said, “We don’t do what you do. We should partner.”
Notice the pattern?
We all have such meetings, because we all serve the current and future needs of our clients.
I can only imagine that such collaboration will accelerate. There is a growing trend toward building multidisciplinary teams within large family offices. Those internal teams may include specialists from various fields together to collaborate and provide comprehensive advice. Naturally, each advisor brings unique legal, financial, or relational expertise. Every smaller Family Office needs to do the same. They need to develop external teams of expert advisors. The power of multidisciplinary collaboration lies in our ability to address the full complexity of family dynamics and wealth management.
Wealth advisors, thankfully, are focused on maximizing assets for long-term gain. Attorneys and insurance advisors focus on protecting assets and minimizing risk, thankfully! Both roles are critical and are NOT sufficient for Next Gen leaders who expect more transparency, digital access, and opportunities to learn.
Family Offices, like any social organization, need to evolve. Every aspect of the family’s wealth or legacy deserves expert advice.
Navigating Intergenerational Conversations
Consider a typical family office meeting: the Elder Generation is planning for retirement and succession, while the Next Generation is learning about investments and long-term financial planning. In the middle, a team of advisors—legal, economic, and often behavioral psychologists (like me) —helps facilitate the conversation.
These discussions may be delicate. The Elder Generation needs to learn to bite their tongues. They need to encourage the Next Generation to ask questions about access to funds, investment strategies, and their personal goals.
For younger family members, these meetings present an opportunity to learn about critical topics like compounding interest, wealth distribution, and long-term planning. I’ve been facilitating a series of family meetings with three Elders, five Next Gens, and three wealth advisors from Northern Trust. By the end of the last session, the Elders were beaming with satisfaction. A multidisciplinary team ensures that these meetings are not just about financial details but about fostering open, constructive dialogue across generations. Advisors from different fields can help ensure that the right questions are being asked and that all voices are heard.
The Expanding Role of the Family Office
Family offices have historically focused on wealth management—handling investment portfolios, estate planning, and tax strategies. But the role of the family office is evolving faster than ever. Many family offices are expanding toward a more comprehensive model that addresses both financial and Family Capital.
The Family Capital Model includes five key areas:
Health and well-being
Family governance and decision-making
Succession planning and education for the next generation
Family dynamics and interpersonal relationships
Risk management, both financial and relational
This expansion reflects a broader understanding that to preserve a family’s legacy, the focus must be on the whole family, not just its financial assets. How do Family Office leaders support that broad need? With timing and expertise.
The Importance of Multidisciplinary Collaboration
Timing matters. Bringing in the right expertise at the right time is critical for any family office. A well-rounded team of advisors can ensure that a family’s needs—whether related to wealth, legal matters, or family dynamics—are met efficiently and effectively. When a Family Office relies solely on financial experts, it risks overlooking other vital family legacy elements. A multidisciplinary team mitigates this risk by ensuring that all aspects of the family’s life and legacy are considered in decision-making processes. Quarterly meetings work well. An annual cadence of ownership meetings is a minimal requirement.
Expertise matters. Advisors from different disciplines often approach problems from unique perspectives. After years of formal schooling, credentialing, and serving similar clients, those perspectives are reinforced and they bias every advisor. Thankfully! Think of any trigger event, like the sale of an asset or death of an Elder. Financial advisors are adept at identifying the right moments—like liquidity or birthdays or significant life milestones—to reassess strategies. Legal and insurance advisors ensure that these strategies are sound from an asset protection or risk management perspective. Family psychologists or governance consultants may facilitate conversations around succession planning, interpersonal relationships, and decision-making structures. Nothing is more crucial.
Today, more than ever, families face complex challenges beyond financial management. We all require a team that can holistically serve our needs for expertise in health, wealth, and relationships.
Embracing the Complexity
Let’s assume that Family Offices will play an increasingly important role in managing wealth and the complex needs of families. The sheer scale of assets expected to be transferred between generations in the next decade—estimated to be over $80 trillion USD – makes succession planning and Next Generation leadership development essential priorities for Family Offices. That’s why our team partners with Family Offices. People need our 360 assessment process to confirm who has leadership capacity and what behaviors to develop. People need our Peer Groups to improve communication, reduce conflict, and reduce anxiety about succession.
Let’s also assume that technology will also play a more significant role. Advanced tools, from AI-driven assessments to virtual platforms for family collaboration, are already being used to enhance family governance and communication. Can you imagine a hologram with your 100-year old Elder or Founder in a discussion? Can you imagine 5 generations of family in a meeting, rather than 2-3 generations, as a result of enhanced lifespans? Those technologies will never replace the need for human expertise. Curiosity and humility can never be replaced by AI, and those are two competencies worth developing in most family systems.
Preparing for the Future
To navigate this evolving landscape, Family Office leaders must ensure that their teams can handle both financial and family capital needs. Multidisciplinary teams are not just a trend—they are becoming necessary for Family Offices looking to sustain their success across generations. External advisors provide scaled solutions and reduce costs.
For advisors who serve Family Offices, now is the time to evaluate whether your advisory team is comprehensive enough to address the full range of family needs. Are you prepared to guide your clients through complex psychological and social transitions?
If not, consider expanding your advisory network to include experts who can help you address the evolving challenges facing family offices today. We can help.
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